I DID NOT HAVE ANY SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH ANYONE WHILE IN HAMBURG, PROFESSIONAL OR NOT, NO ONE.
So with that being said, if you want an eastern European girl who will grab you as you walk down the street and tell you she "want to make you happy down there," than Hamburg is your place to visit. What truly fascinated me about the "Red light district" was how these women where like vultures, stalking their prey. On one street, directly across from the Poliezi station was approximately 20 women, spaced out every eight to ten feet, waiting to jump on any man who looked like he was from out of town (because surely a Hamburg man would not subject himself to the commercialized prices). I sat with a beer in my hand, watching with amazement as the lioness on the corner pounced. Many times she would physically restrain the guy from walking by, or crossing the road.
When it appeared Lioness A had a "john" on the line, then Lioness B would swoop in and attack as well, latching her claws into his otherside. I was amazed at what I was witnessing. Local businessmen, a mother with a child in a stroller, all going down the same street that these vultures were using to prey upon many unknowing victims. I wondered what kind of conversation they were having, but I did not wonder enough to go down and engage them. I would be afraid to! I only have two hands, how could I possibly protect my wallet, my railpass and my camera.
As I sat there watching all of this take place, a gentleman sat down next to me on the steps, his name was Ross. Ross appeared to be in his mid-30s, and was an American, claiming to be from the Chicago area. Ross said he had been in Hamburg for a little over a week for business, (He did not say what kind of business he was involved in, and he was not dressed in a suit) so I asked him the normal questions. How do you like it? Has the weather been this bad your entire time here? What do you think of the World Cup? To those questions he gave normal, plain-jane answers. Then I asked him what he thought of this (as I pointed at the working girls), and looked toward them, and then looked at me, before making eye contact he turned away.
I sensed some sort of embarrassment or shame coming from him, and then he started to speak. Ross went on to explain to me how they got him. He was walking down the street after having spent a few hours in one of the table dance joints (another story) when he was pounced on by not one, but two lions. They were not toying with their prey today, they went directly in for the kill.
"We gut special fer you"
"Oh yea? what is that?"
"2 fer 1"
"What does 2 fer 1 mean? I get to take both of you? for how much?"
"Ja, you gut both us, fer 60 euro"
"What do I get for 60 euro? hand job? blow job? sex?"
"Ja, we make you happy down there"
"What do I get for 60 euro? Sex?"
"Ja, you come with us (both ladies take an arm and walk him around the corner to a entry controlled building, going up three flights of non-descriptive stairs entering another coded door, and they enter a blood red hallway.)
He described the room as if it was a cheap porno set, red, with a bed in the middle, a bedside table stacked with condoms, lube and sex toys, two chairs near the front of the room, and a sink with soap and paper towels.)
"tak care of muny first, 60 euro please (money exchanged) ok, we be right back, have to put money in safe, please get undressed and lay down"
Ross tells me how he did as he was told, and lays down counting the time in his head wondering if his two beautiful (probably russian) women would be coming back in or if there was gonna be a bait and switch. He continues to tell me how right as he was about to get up and look for them the door opened, and this two blondes walked in.both of them stripping to their bras, one into her panties, the other still wearing pants. The one in the panties climbed into bed and nuzzled up next to him, almost as if trying to cuddle, while the other sat on the edge and massaged his testis and flacid penis, and then the upselling begins. After a few mins. of the massage he asks whats going on.
"We wrelly lik jou, but this is what you paid for, for more money though we can do anything you want, you can stay entire night for 3000 euro, we can use your card to pay for it"
"You said for 60 euro we would have sex!! and now you want more money? I do not have 3,000 euros on me right now."
"We take card, slide in machine, zip zip, then we fuck you all night, 3000 euro."
At this point, I felt bad for Ross, as I saw where the story was going, I told him I would love to hear the ending, but I wanted to go piss, and get another beer. He said no worries, he will be there waiting for my return. I offered him a smoke as I walked down the stairs. I took a piss, bought two beers, and was back in no time to hear Ross's conclusion.
Ross tells me at this point, "what the fuck am I suppose to do, I am butt naked and already out 60 euro, and I have a hard on, I can not just get dressed and go back into the street." I would imagine that is a horrible predicament to be in, and I could not help but laugh. So did you pay more I asked. Looking at the ground, as if embarrassed he mumbles yes. When I asked him how much more he say two. Two thousand? Two hundred? HOW MUCH!!! The suspense was killing me.
"200 Euros man, don't laugh at me!" I pointed out it would have been a total of 260 euro. (376 US Dollars!!!!) With curiosity killing me I asked what did he get for 200 more euros. At this point I truly believe I saw a tear run down his cheek, as he tells me one of the blonds gave him a hand/blow job combo, while the other stood over his face, and had him (Ross) use a condom covered vibrator on her twat... As Ross finished his story I could not help but feel bad for him. I gave him the second unopened beer I had just bought, and told him I am sorry for his luck.
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To sum up the Reeperbahn experience
- Like in the states, women in Hamburg are vultures
- Sometimes it is good to live vicariously through others
- The word of a hooker is not worth anything
- Happy down there = massage
Lastly - Even if you do not put your penis inside a Hamburg hooker, you are still getting fucked by paying so much for so little.
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